The “need” vs. “want” quotient
One of the powerful dynamics in my character that was “sealed” by Dylan was the dynamic of “need” vs. “want”. It’s a concept that came to mind back during the post drama from the dissolution of my marriage. One of the things I noticed about character was found in both my ex-wife and myself. There was an abundance of co-dependency which caused me to consider the following...
One of the most dangerous dynamics in relationships and in the church community is need. Why? Well….”need” obligates…”want” validates. That’s right……”need” obligates.
If I ask 100 men what they would rather hear from their wife/girlfriend, “I need you” or “I want you”, 98 of them would choose the second response. That’s right…..the notion of “want” is far more provocative than “need”. When your significant other says, “Oh…I need you”, straight away you either HAVE to fulfill that need or dash an expectation or worse of all, COMPLETE SOMEONE!
Look…the miracle of marriage as defined in the Scriptures is, “The two shall become one”. This, reader, is indeed a miracle. But sadly, it’s also rare. More often than not, we find two very incomplete people coming together, and it’s “The two halves become one”. This isn’t a miracle, this is math.
The question is, “Where is personal wholeness”? The church sure doesn’t promote it. In fact, the church is famous for stifling it. The church, unwittingly has held personal wholeness hostage in favour of having people in a perpetual posture of need.
Need of God is Holy and right. We all NEED God. But to NEED our pastor’s Saviour or the church for anything more than a corporate gathering of like-faithed people, coming together in community and WHOLENESS is a recipe for disaster.
People often say, “Less of me and more of You, Lord”. That’s great, if there is a YOU that is whole. Then the sacrifice is meaningful.
Dylan is chronic care, for the most part. Someone is obligated to attend to his every need. But he can’t manage his own needs….mentally and physically. But we can. It’s a full time job…it’s a sacrificial job…and it’s care without a choice. It’s NOT whole, but it’s due to disability.
What’s stopping you from being whole? Do you think that when God breathed _______________ (insert name here) into being, His notion was for you to be incomplete? Or do you think that we have everything we NEED according to His riches through Christ Jesus? Ya can’t have it both ways.
Back to personal relationships…What if you were self sufficient? Whole. Do you see how powerful the term, “I want you” can be? Now no longer must someone fulfill an expectation, but rather, can choose to respond out of a giving heart rather than an obligation. What would a relationship look like that wasn’t founded on need?
And….what would a church look like that wasn’t operated on need? Imagine a church where the parishioners were there because they choose to be there. Imagine a church where the leadership led people to their provision, without thought of losing financial security.
The whole point of this post is that whether in relationship or in community, the more “whole” one can be; the more freedom you offer…the more choice you offer. I don’t need you….I WANT you!
